Well we received some very painful and heartbreaking news this morning.

Due to the complications Courtney has been experiencing all week the doctor recommended she have an ultrasound done this morning to check things out. So Courtney and Wanda went to the doctor’s office to have the procedure done. Much to our dismay the results confirmed the worst, we have lost the baby.

I am still in Des Moines, and so Courtney called me immediately with the results. We both sat in tearful silence as we pondered the news. I didn’t know what to say and neither did she except for “I am so sorry.” Sorry for what I am not sure, because neither of us had done anything that required an apology, but it just seems like that is the thing to say in times of shared sorrow.

Later I called her back to get more medical details about what happens next, what her current condition was, and so on. Wanda was taking her back to their house to stay until I can get back tonight. She told me what the doctor had said, and how she would have to have D&C tomorrow at 12:30 pm. She also told me that she had called her mother to tell her the news, and that after joining Courtney in her tears she shared that just this morning God had given her the following verse, and that it must have been for Courtney.

Romans 5:2b-5

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Boy was she right. What a perfect verse for this tragedy. In this time of loss we can cling to nothing greater than hope in our Savior Christ Jesus. The Creator and Sustainer of all things. The light in the darkness. The Living Water. He never disappoints us. Even in this broken and depraved world of death, loss, and corruption He never fails nor forsakes us.

So this day we cling to our everlasting hope in the Almighty One. We rejoice in the fact that our baby is currently in the arms of his/her Heavenly Father, and hold on to the promise that one day we will get to see him/her in a land where death has no hold and all things are made right. This does not mean we fail to hurt or mourn, but only that when our mourning is complete He will still be there to pick up the pieces and lead us forward.

I will end with another big thank you to all our friends and family who have prayed, called, emailed, twittered, texted, cried, cooked, drove, and loved. You are the reason we know that hope exists. You show us who Christ really is and for that reason we can continue to persevere.

Please continue to lift Courtney and I up while we recover physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Life may be gone, but hope still remains.

–Micah

Well…I am still on bed rest and I am still bleeding.  Tomorrow I have an ultrasound at 11am where we look to see if the baby’s heart is still beating.  Right now…I have a very excited and yet very scared feeling all at the same time.  I know God is totally in control and if God wants to take this baby…He knows best.  I also know that if everything is fine and God is going to bless us with this child, I will get to see and hear it’s amazing little heart beat.  I believe God is totally in control but my human heart still aches for the what if.  I am also sad because Micah will not get to be here tomorrow for the ultrasound.  He is still out of town and I know he wishes he could be here too.  I will keep everyone posted tomorrow and I covet your prayers.  Thank you for all of the supportive words and scripture.  Y’all are the best!

- Court

This morning I woke up and went to the bathroom as I always do.  I was bleeding a little.  It was more than spotting but not extremely bad.  It looked like I was starting my period.  I of course freaked out.  I called Micah (he’s in Des Moines, IA) immediately and started crying.  He is always my voice of reason and quickly calmed my nerves.  After talking to him I called Chris to tell her.  She told me to call into work and to come into the office and get my blood drawn for a level check.  To top it all off…today is the Mother/Grandmother Breakfast at school.  My 6th grade choir was supposed to perform this morning…but due to this scare I had to call my school and tell them what was going on. They were extremely understanding and supportive.  They took care of everything.  Thank you God!  I finally went to the doctor’s office.  They gave me a shot of Progesterone and the doctor did an ultrasound with an old ultrasound machine.  Due to it being an older machine it did not allow us to actually see the baby, but we did see the yolk sack.  She said the shape of it looked really good, which helps alleviate some of the concern.  I have an actual ultrasound appointment on Tuesday so unless I start bleeding again they will wait until Tuesday for the ultrasound.  If I do start bleeding they will schedule an ultrasound sooner.  Please say a prayer for all of us, including Micah. I know Micah is a little stressed too, especially since he can’t be at home right now.  I know this is a pretty common situation and many women have bleeding and everything is fine.  I also know this is only the beginning of my many worries and scares as a mother.  Thank you God for all You do in my life and I know that You know best.

-Court

I got a phone call yesterday afternoon and my blood work was in.  All of the Hepatitis and HIV tests all came back negative.  And my Progesterone levels also went up to 24.  So, since they increased…I will have to continue taking 300 mg a day.  I asked the doctor to call in a script for me that was an actual 300 mg dose. Now, I will be able to take it once a day instead of 3 times of day.  Hopefully this will help with the fatigue factor.

Okay…no one likes getting a cold.  It always feels like you are never sick enough to miss work, but still feel horrible.  Your head feels huge, your throat is sore from all the drainage, your congested and you don’t have a lot of energy.  Now…to be pregnant and have a cold this is not very fun.  First off…your tired already (and when on progesterone that even makes it worse) and you can’t take your typical meds that you normally take to releive the symptoms.  I started feeling a little puny last weekend and it has progressively gotten worse and now I have a full blown cold.  Normally, I don’t get sick…I have a crazy, awesome immune system…that comes from all the years of teaching…you build up a lot of immunities from being around an infestation of germs every day.  But, I recently read online that when you get pregnant your immune system lessens in order to keep the baby and not reject it…so this opens the door of opportunity for those little viruses to sneak in.  Now, thankfully my doctor said I could take Tylenol and Sudafed.  Thank you Jesus!  It helps a little but I am still trying to limit how much I take them just to be on the safe side…so here I am praying that this cold moves quickly through my system.  I guess a cold is better than morning sickness…praise God I have not had that yet.

Today was my first official doctor appointment.  I am totally inexperienced and it is obvious.  My appointment was at 2:30pm…and in true teacher fashion…I had not peed since I had gotten up this morning.  Unfortunately,  as soon as I signed in at the doctors office I went straight to the bathroom, not realizing that I had to pee in a cup.  Lesson #1 learned, don’t pee until you have a cup.  Then I was handed a packet of papers that I had to fill out.  I had no idea what half of the abbreviations were on this sheet.  I have not felt that dumb in a long time.  Lesson #2 learned, lmp stands for last menstrual period…who knew?  Okay, apparently everyone but me.  When we were called back, the first step was to be weighed…what a depressing feeling when you know that number will only get worse.  Then, into the room we went…Micah got to witness a papsmear….yay for him.  We asked some questions and the doctor was really great at answering everything.  She was even intuitive to know that we had questions and made sure she answered them first.  The first on the list…what can I take for a cold.  Yes…I have a cold and the doctor said that I can take Sudafed.  Thank you JESUS…a little relief to this misery.  I also had to get some more blood taken…so after the visit with the doctor I got my paper work, made my next appointments and off I went to the lab.  I had no idea they were going to take 8 tubes of blood.  Ouch!!!!  Lesson #3 learned, they test you for HIV (I get why), but it is a really weird feeling to sign a waiver for the test.  Oh, I almost forgot we were handed a bag full of all sorts of stuff.  I haven’t even began to go through the entire thing yet…but I am all about free samples.

I have another ultrasound on Tuesday, January 27th, and my next doctor’s appointment is Wednesday, February 11th.  We’ll keep you posted.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from Chris. My blood work was in and my progesterone has dropped again. I am now at 21.5. I am not in the danger zone, but we don’t know why it keeps dropping. So, now I have to take 3 doses a day which makes me extremely tired. Say a prayer for me that my levels will go up and that the baby will be okay. My pregnancy levels didn’t go up either, but since we saw a heartbeat they aren’t really concerned about that test. I had no idea there was this much pressure during the first trimester. There is a constant fear that I might not be doing everything right and something bad could happen. But, then I remember that God is totally in control and His will is perfect no matter what happens. God is good.

-Courtney

Well we had our first ultrasound today. It was awesome. The baby is doing well and based on it’s size it is estimated to be 6 weeks and 4 days old. We did not get to hear a heartbeat, because the baby is still to young, but we did get the following pictures.

We will let you know more when we actually talk to the doctor next week.

-Micah & Courtney

So…I am 7 weeks today.  And I have to say the million dollar question is “Are you sick yet?”   Almost every person I have told has asked that question. And praise God…I’m not!  I am so thankful that I haven’t felt nauseous at all yet.  (Please God….let it stay that way.)  I only get a little woozy when I am hungry and need to eat, and my appetite has definitely increased, but that’s about the extent of my sickness thus far.  I have heard it can have a late onset…but I am hoping and praying that I am one of the few that do not get sick.

School starts on Monday…and I really need to avoid being sick.  I never have time to be sick when I am working.  It’s easier to show up and suffer through the day than to plan for a sub and pray that my kids will be good for the sub.  But there is nothing worse than being sick and trying to teach a bunch of rambunctious middle school kiddos.  So…say a prayer for me that I stay healthy and full of energy.  I will definitely miss my naps and sleeping in starting Monday morning.  I hear I just need to get used to not having enough sleep because apparently it only gets worse from here. 

Tuesday is the day for the first ultrasound.  I will write that evening and let everyone know how it went.

Well, yesterday, (Monday) I had to get another blood test.  Yuck!  I hate needles and I had a really bad experience trying to give blood one time and I dread these procedures every time.  I know the needles for taking blood and donating blood are different sizes but the flash backs always come any time the needle gets close to my arm.  I have been proud of myself, inspite of the anxiety.  I have been a brave little girl and try not to let on too much when I sit down in the chair.  The first time hurt a little, the second time didn’t hurt at all and yesterday…that lady got me good.  It took forever to quit bleeding and it definitely stung.  But…I’m over it.

On to the important stuff… Chris Peters called me and said my pregnancy levels were up to 6800 a little over a week ago they were only around 600.  So, that is definitely good news. But…my progesterone levels have dropped. The last test had me in the 40’s and this time I was in the 20’s.  It is not dangerously low yet…but I now have to take two progesterone tablets each day.  One in the morning and one at night.  This stuff makes me sleepy.

So…now I will have to take another blood test when I go in for my ultrasound on Tuesday, January 6th.  We’ll keep you posted.